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Canine Capers does not knowingly publish copyrighted materials
without permission. We believe that all the listings, joke and quotes,
are in the public domain and not copywrited. Please email
us if you know differently.
What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight
- it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Dwight D. Eisenhower
A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the bone shared with
the dog, when you are just as hungry as the dog. - Jack London
DOG, n. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch
the overflow and surplus of the world's worship. This Divine Being
in some of his smaller and silkier incarnations takes, in the affection
of Woman, the place to which there is no human male aspirant. The
Dog is a survival -- an anachronism. He toils not, neither does
he spin, yet Solomon in all his glory never lay upon a door-mat
all day long, sun-soaked and fly-fed and fat, while his master worked
for the means wherewith to purchase the idle wag of the Solomonic
tail, seasoned with a look of tolerant recognition. - Ambrose Bierce
(1842-1914), "The Devil's Dictionary", 1911
Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb
The dog's kennel is not the place to keep a sausage. - Danish Proverb
The dog wags his tail, not for you, but for your bread. - Portuguese
Proverb
Every animal knows more than you do. - Native American Proverb
If you are a host to your guest, be a host to his dog also. - Russian
Proverb
Only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the noonday sun. - Indian
Proverb
Those who sleep with dogs will rise with fleas. - Italian Proverb
Three things it is best to avoid: a strange dog, a flood, and a
man who thinks he is wise. - Welsh Proverb
"In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train
him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the
possibility of becoming partly a dog. - Edward Hoagland
"They [dogs] never talk about themselves but listen to you while
you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested
in the conversation." - Jerome K. Jerome
About the Chihuahuas in the Taco Bell commercial... "Why do they
think that the idea that Chihuahuas find the smell of Taco Bell
tacos alluring a selling point? Look at how dogs greet each other!"
- Jay Leno
Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals
allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it
for the dog, or the blind person? - Jerry Seinfeld
Pay attention to two-year-olds and puppies. They know what's important.
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at
you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!
Steve Bluestone
"Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and
your dog would go in." Mark Twain
THE MORE I KNOW ABOUT PEOPLE, THE MORE I LIKE MY DOG!
Better not take a dog on the Space Shuttle, because if he sticks
his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up. ~ Jack
Handey
The only thing that loves you more than he loves himself. ~ Josh
Billings
Love me, love my dog ~John Heywood
Patient: Help me doctor, I'm not well.
Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?
Patient: Well I work like a horse, I eat like a bird, and I'm as
tired as a dog.
Doctor: Sounds like you ought to see a veterinarian, not a doctor.
"MEOW"...SPLAT..."RUFF"...SPLAT...(Raining cats & dogs)
Are dog biscuits made from collie flour?
Dogs come when called...Cats have answering machines
"To err is human: To forgive, canine."
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog,
it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job. - Franklin P. Jones
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden
Nash
Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails. - Max Eastman
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you
are wonderful. - Ann Landers
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious
cult. - Rita Rudner
"Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery
never changes." - Lewis Grizzard
"The dog is man's best friend. He has a tail on one end. Up in front
he has teeth. And four legs underneath." - Ogden Nash 'An Introduction
to Dogs'
DOG RULES
- The dog is not allowed in the house.
- Okay, the dog is allowed in the house,
but only in certain rooms.
- The dog is allowed in all rooms, but
has to stay off the furniture.
- The dog can get on the old furniture
only.
- Fine, the dog is allowed on all the
furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the
bed.
- Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed,
but only by invitation.
- The dog can sleep on the bed whenever
he wants, but not under the covers.
- The dog can sleep under the covers
by invitation only.
- The dog can sleep under the covers
every night.
- Humans must ask permission to sleep
under the covers with the dog.
From "My Dog is the World's Best Dog"
by Suzy Becker.
"Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant."
"It takes a strong minded human to appreciate a string-minded dog!"
- Mary Webber
"One dog barks at something, the rest bark at him." - Chinese Proverb
"If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater...suggest
that he wear a tail." - Fran Lebowitz
"When old dogs bark, it's time to watch out."
"Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses." - Elizabeth
Taylor
"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." - Andrew
A. Rooney
"One reason a dog is such a lovable creature is his tail wags instead
of his tongue."
"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot little puppies." -
Gene Hill
"In dog years I'm dead"
"When you feed dog tired at night, it may be because you've growled
all day long."
"You do not own a dog, the dog owns you."
"All trees have bark All dogs bark. Therefore, all dogs are trees.
The fallacy of barking up the wrong tree."
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." - Roger
Caras
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