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without permission. We believe that all the listings, joke and quotes,
are in the public domain and not copywrited. Please email
us if you know differently.
"The best thing about a man is his dog." - French Proverb
Why don't blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the hell
out of the dog..
"What dogs?! These are my children little people with fur who
make my heart open a little wider. " - Oprah Winfrey about her American
Cocker Spaniels, Sophie and Solomon.
"The factory of the future will have two employees, a man and
a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog and the dog is there
to keep the man from touching the computers. " - Anonymous
ACTUAL SIGNS:
- On a front door, "Everyone on the premises
is a vegetarian, except the dog."
- On a fence, "Salesmen welcome. Dog
food is expensive."
- In a veterinarian's waiting room, "Be
back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
When the store manager returned
from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before
he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very
good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally
sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!" "Do you mean that
repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked.
"That's the one!" "That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought
we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest
suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?" "Oh,"
the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog
bit me."
"The success of the 'Wonder Bra' for under-endowed women has encouraged
the designers to come out with a bra for over-endowed women. It's
called the 'Sheep Dog Bra'... it rounds them up and points them
in the right direction."
A truck driver came into a vet's surgery waiting room carrying his
rottweiler dog. He approached the vet and said, "Doc, I think my
dog's crosseyed. Can you check him out?" "Sure," replied the vet
and the man dumped the rather large dog into the vet's arms. The
vet stared into the dog's eyes for a few seconds and said, "I'm
sorry, but I think I'm going to have to put him down." "Put him
down?" squawked the man. "Is it because he's cross eyed that you
have to put him down?" "No," replied the vet, "it's because he's
getting really heavy."
"Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking
a lamp-post how it feels about dogs." - Christopher Hampton
"When some men go to the dogs, it's pretty tough on the dogs." -
Anonymous
"The Difference between Cats and Dogs A dog thinks: Hey, these people
I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house,
pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks:
Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with
a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must
be a God!"
"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability
to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet.
That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates
us from animals. We aren't afraid of vaccuum cleaners." - Jeff Stilson
"Hunger and ease is a dog's life." - Giovanni Torriano
"Dogs have not the power of comparing. A dog will take a small piece
of meat as readily as a large, when both are before him." - Samuel
Johnson
"Never stand between a dog and the hydrant." - John Peers
Add Funnies:
- Lost: Small apricot poodle. Reward.
Neutered. Like one of the family.
- For Sale: Eight puppies from a German
Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.
- Dog for Sale: Eats anything and is
fond of children.
"Say something idiotic and nobody but a dog politely wags his tail."
- Virginia Graham
"A dog has the soul of a philosopher." - Plato
"The term 'dog days' is most likely derived from Sirius, the Dog
Star, which rises with the sun this time of year. The Greeks, Romans
and Egyptians believed it was responsible for the hot weather and
sultriness during the summer, and they thought dogs were especially
liable to go mad during this time."
"You become responsible forever for what you have tamed." - Antoine
de Saint-Exupery
"Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet." - Colette
"Old dogs, like old shoes, are comfortable. They might be a bit
out of shape and a little worn around the edges, but they fit well."
- Bonnie Wilcox
"We have a theory that cats are planning to take over the world,
just try to look them straight in the eye....yup, they're hiding
something!" - Dog Fancy
"The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother - and
they'll settle for a puppy every time" - Winston Pendleton
"I grew up to be an anonymous yellow cur looking like a cross between
an Angora cat and a box of lemons." - O. Henry
"Your husband says he leads a dog's life." "Yes, it's very similar.
He comes in with muddy paws, makes himself comfortable by the fire,
and waits to be fed. "
"If dogs could talk, perhaps we would find it as hard to get along
with them as we do with people" - Karel Capek
"The dog has an enviable mind; it remembers the nice things in life
and quickly blots out the nasty" - Barbara Woodhouse
"I agree with Agassiz that dogs possess something very like a conscience."
- Charles Darwin
Tad Dorgan, an editorial cartoonist, is credited with the name "hot
dog." Frankfurters were then sold at the New York Polo Ground, where
vendors dubbed them "dachshund sausages." Because Dorgan couldn't
spell "dachshund," he called the sausages "hot dogs" instead.
One of the most fervent dog lovers in history was Henry II of France.
This 16th-century canine collector had at least 2,000 dogs, stationed
at various palaces. Wherever he took up residence, at least 100
pets followed. Henry preferred toy dogs, so he could pat several
pooches at once.
"They say a reasonable number of fleas is good fer a dog - keeps
him from broodin' over bein' a dog." - Edward Noyes Westcott
"Dogs are us, only innocent." - Cynthia Heimel
"Researches have discovered that dogs can comprehend a vocabulary
of 2,000 words, whereas cats can only comprehend 25 to 50. No one
ever asks how many words researches can comprehend." - Unknown
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