Top Ten List for January 6, 1999

From the David Letterman Show: Top Ten Depressing Thoughts Your Dog Has

10. "I haven't felt as attractive since that doctor surgically removed my sex organs."

9. "Oh god, he's going to make me chase that damn frisbee again."

8. "I'm 63 years old and my name is 'Waffles'."

7. "What if the computers at Alpo can't handle the Y2K bug?"

6. "If I ever catch the idiot who invented 'fetch' I'm gonna bite his arm off."

5. "You're serving me Cycle 5? Oh, just put me to sleep already."

4. "How would he like it if I called myself Snoop Humany Human?"

3. "Maybe 'CATS' is 'now and forever'."

2. "Adam Sandler makes $20 million a film and I'm drinking out of a toilet."

1. "Ted Danson has another series?"

Bonus Joke:

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of puppies.
On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother,
"There were 2 boy dogs and 2 girl dogs."
"How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied,
"I think it's printed on the bottom."