OLD, but still funny!

One day a mailman was greeted by a boy and a huge dog. The mailman said to the boy, "does your dog bite?" "No," replied the boy. Just then the huge dog bit the mailman.

The man yelled, "I thought your dog doesn't bite!" "He doesn't," replied the boy, "that's not my dog!"

The Animal

A man once walked up to a sheep rancher and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have may I have one?"
Thinking this impossible, the rancher agreed, to which the man replied, "You have 1,795 sheep."
"Now how did he get that?" wondered the rancher as the man selected an animal, slung it over his shoulder and turned to leave.

"Wait," called the rancher, "If I can guess your occupation can I have that animal back?"
"Sure," said the man. "Youre a bureaucrat," confirmed the rancher with a grin streching from ear to ear.
"How did you figure that out?" asked the stunned man.

"Well,"grinned the rancher, "put my dog down and I will tell you."

Where, Oh Where has my little dog gone?

A man had a dog that met him at the door every day when he came home. He came home one day, and the dog didn't meet him. He looked for the dog and he was curled up in the house.

He nudged the dog, and said "let's go", and the dog didn't move. He picked up the dog and carried him to the vet.

He told the vet "My dog is sick, can you help him?"

The vet checked the dog, and said, "Sorry your dog is dead."

The man said "He can't be, check him again."

The vet checked him again and said "Sir your dog is dead."

The man said "Are you sure?"

The vet walked into the other room. When he came back he had a cat. He put the cat on the table. The cat jumped onto the dogs back and dug in his nails. From there, the cat jumped on the dogs head. He scratched the dogs nose. He bit the dogs ear. He jumped down and walked away.

The man said,"you're right my dog is gone. How much do I owe you?"

The vet said, "$545.00. That'll be $45.00 for the office visit, and $500.00 for the cat scan."

One day a little boy walks into a store and buys a huge box of soap powder.
The clerk asks what the soap is for and the boy answers that he wants to wash his dog with it.

"BETTER NOT!", the clerk tells the boy,"THAT SOAP WILL KILL THE DOG."
The boy does not listen though, and he buys the soap.

A few weeks later, the same clerk sees the same boy and asks the boy how his dog is.
The boy says, "HE DIED."
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE THAT SOAP," The clerk says, "I KNEW IT WOULD KILL YOUR POOR DOG!".

"OH NO!" REPLIES THE BOY, "I DON'T THINK THAT IT WAS THE SOAP, I THINK IT WAS THE SPIN CYCLE THAT KILLED HIM!"