Women vs Dogs
HOW DOGS AND WOMEN ARE ALIKE
Both are good at pretending that they're listening to every word you
say.
Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.
Both constantly want back rubs.
Both look good in a fur coat.
Both look stupid in hats.
Both put too much value on kissing.
Both tend to have "hip" problems.
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Neither understand football.
You can never tell what either of them is thinking.
HOW WOMEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS
It is socially acceptable to have sexual relations with a woman.
Though they only have two, women's breasts are far more interesting.
Women leave the room to fart.
Women look good in sweaters.
WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WIVES
Dogs don't cry.
Dogs love it when your friends come over.
Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
Dogs think you sing great.
A dog's time in the bathroom is limited to a quick drink.
Dogs don't expect you to call them when you're running late.
The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
Dogs are excited by rough play.
Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
Dogs understand that farts are funny.
Dogs can appreciate excess body hair.
Anyone can get a good looking dog.
If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
Dogs don't shop.
Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
A dog's parents never come to visit.
Dogs love long car trips.
Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can
shoot it.
Dogs like beer.
Dogs don't hate their bodies.
No dog ever bought a Kenny G. album.
No dog ever put on a hundred pounds after reaching adulthood.
Dogs never criticize.
Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
Dogs never expect gifts.
Its legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.
Dogs don't worry about germs.
Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you have
ever had.
Dogs like to do their snooping outside, as opposed to your
wallet, desk or sock drawer.
Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their life.
Dogs would rather you buy them a hamburger than a lobster
dinner.
You never have to wait for a dog, they're ready 24 hours a
day.
Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
Dogs don't borrow your shirts.
Dogs never want a foot rub.
Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
Dogs find it amusing when you are drunk.
Dogs can't talk.
Dogs aren't catty.
Dogs seldom outlive you.